This Is What I Learned From Loving You

You were the one who cradled me the night of my sister’s car accident, when I melted like a puddle from the driver’s seat into your arms.

You were the one that kissed my cheek the day of my graduation, who stood next to me as I took shots and pictures and laughed and cried. And you were the one who tucked me in to sleep at night.

You were the one who believed in me. Who taught me to ignore other people’s irrelevant opinions and focus on what I truly felt. To believe in things like happiness, like new beginnings, like love when you aren’t exactly sure if you can feel that emotion anymore.

With you, I learned that jealousy is obsolete when you fall for someone. And fall hard.

I learned that I should let go of insecurities and run.

That I should never compromise myself for someone I love. But that it’s okay to break my own rules sometimes. It’s okay to let myself fall in love. To let go of the tiny voice in the back of my mind, if just for a moment.

I learned that I’ll never be too old to build forts in the living room. To watch childish TV shows. To eat junk food and laugh at dumb jokes at 4AM.

I learned that rumors are not always true and all boys are not the same. That when a guy tells me something sweet, it might be a line I’ve heard before, but this time it’s different. Because it’s me. Because it’s him. Because it’s that moment, hands and arms intertwined, my legs on his lap, and his green, green eyes.

I learned to let go of fear. To let go of jealousy. To believe in love again. Fully, whole-heartedly.

And with you, I learned the hardest lesson: that the same hands that could love me, could crush me.

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