To the Gossip Girls

PSA: It’s not all about being popular.

Seriously. I mean that. Close your eyes for a minute and remember those glorious middle school days—fighting with your mom over wearing yoga-leggings and sweaters to school, taking totally bad a** bathroom selfies with your girlfriends during lunch, passing notes in class about the uber-cute new boy, clutching that little white Dooney and Bourke bag with the colored ‘DBs’ tight to your chest, updating your MySpace Top 8 friends as soon as you got home from school—anyone remember those days?

Middle school was that interesting lapse of time when you had the ugly haircut, when your curls didn’t curl, when you couldn’t go anywhere without the latest purse, when you could never get rid of that damn chin pimple, and when it seriously mattered who kissed who and who was ‘in’ or ‘out.’

Sadly, some people never got out of that junior high mentality. And you know the one’s I’m talking about. They fall into three categories: the Facebook Moms, the Old Biddies, or the Catty College Chicks.

The Facebook Moms are mostly moms, but not always. These are the ones constantly scrolling up and down the News Feed and commenting about the ‘Bitch Lady’ who served them coffee this morning at the drive thru and took a minute too long or posting how proud they are of their daughter and her latest outstanding achievement of getting a ‘B’ on her college paper. They have a lot of time on their hands, or even if they don’t, they somehow find the time during their work days to keep updated on the latest statuses and FB drama.

Then there’s the Old Biddies. These are the older ladies, but again, not always. A typical Old Biddie is your elderly woman, gathered with at least two or three other ladies in a public location to facilitate the necessary people-watching. These ladies seem innocent and harmless at first, but they are the ultimate gossips. Since most of them are either unfamiliar with the world of social media or just starting to navigate the Facebook log-in page, they resort to the traditional roles: Informer, Rumor Starter, and Gossip Queen. Ever seen Mean Girls? Well this is the grandma version. You can usually find these ladies in the corner of a coffee shop, at the mall near the public fountain, or at the local church. Their favorite pastimes are commenting on the outfits of ‘The Entitled Generation’ or shaking their heads at the ‘Kids these Days.’

And finally, the Catty College Chicks. These girls, well, they’re stuck in the transition phase between high school social castes and Block Parties/Bingo Nights. They’re the sorority girls, or the wannabe sorority girls. They wake up at least 50 minutes before classes to curl their hair. They text their friends and plan meeting times throughout the day. They eat lunch with their girlfriends. They walk to class with their girlfriends. They go to the bathroom with their girlfriends. And they spend their free time debating who is worthy enough to be friends with, who should be in Homecoming Court, or who should actually be so-and-so’s girlfriend. You can find them in main campus areas, like the quad or courtyard, but only if it’s above seventy degrees and less than eighty degrees. Otherwise you’ll see them at college parties, solo cup in hand, off in the corner and surrounded by other like-minded minions.

Some people just don’t get out of the middle school state of mind. They don’t realize that there’s more to life than the latest Coach wristlet or Nike Fit-Bit, more to talk about than Jennifer’s DUI or Keven and Amber’s hookup last Saturday night.

Newsflash: It’s not all about being popular.

By the time you get out of middle school, there’s less and less time to care what everyone thinks of you. In high school you have college applications, scholarship essays, and recommendation letters. You start to find your nook. And as you graduate, you go your separate way and try to figure yourself out. It starts to become less important who has the latest Louis Vuitton handbag and more important who is getting a scholarship or starting their professional career.

You start to focus more on your life and dreams, and less on who’s getting married (though we’re all social media stalkers when it comes to the latest proposals). You don’t feel the need to update your 1,205 Facebook friends about your negative experience at Café Coffee or your kid’s 15th swim meet blue ribbon. You instead, (wait for it…) start living your life. (GASP).

And you start to feel bad for the Facebook Moms, the Old Biddies, and the Catty College Chicks, who revolve their lives around other people’s. What a sad sad world they must live in if they’re still stuck in middle school. We can only hope they find a date to the eighth grade dance and get their locker open soon.


Gossip Girl



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